Tuesday

Heddi,

This has been an extremely hard day. First I have only had 4 hours sleep. Knowing that I will have to work until 12:30 tonight and then get up at 6:30 tomorrow and teach all day, has been weighing pretty heavy on me.

I think I have been going through a bit of withdrawl actually. In the past I have so used food as a way to comfort myself and numb feelings. Now I am turning away from that, and "eating to live...rather than living to eat". I find that I am very emotionally raw. As well with the lack of sleep - I am also really missing the constant companion I have had my whole life - food. Food has always been a constant companion there through all the ups and downs. I remember hiding chocolate bars in my bedroom closet, just for those times that I needed that little bit of comfort.

I know that it will get better, I know that later on I will feel stronger. But right now I feel lost and it really sucks !! I will press on and not give in because I am really tired of having food control me in this way. I need to learn other healthier ways to comfort myself.

So please understand if I sound a little off - this is why. This is supposed to document our "journey" well this is as real as it gets :(

Also, I have been thinking in the last couple hours.......and GO FOR IT Heddi !! Really, I mean it !! Surprise me with the glitz and glamour you can add :D
Love ya,
Kaffi
ps will post my food choices later.....they have all been good.